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The Price of Emptiness - Part I

Kiss your shoulders. Raise your hand and suck on your wrist, to know how it feels to be loved. Wait for the goosebumps, then slowly let them rest on your cheeks. Noone will know what happened.

The day ends, the light rests on the hills, just like that girl's head rested on the boy's lap, you know, just a while ago? And when they closed their eyes the night was declared.

Will they ever know?

Clickety-clack.

Your heels have made their last noise for the day. The room is just how you left it in the morning. What will you do to see the chair, maybe a little on the left? Maybe a few strange and warm wrinkles on the bed? 

You're home. Someone needs to know that you're home.

Your heels made noise. Someone needs to hear it. 

You burnt your dinner. You wore your sweater inside out. Your socks don't match. 

Noone will ever know. 

And the only sound that will drown the noise of you chewing, is the sound, the terrible shreak of you, accepting that you're completely, and dreadfully alone. It's bed time now, dear.

Don't think about that couple in the park. They're foolish. they'll seperate soon. Yes they will. The guy is too good for the girl. 

But who will hold you?

Aren't the blankets heavy enough to numb you?

You're trapped now. Alone and- 

and-

No. Someone does hold you by the waist every night. the hands then run up and down your thighs, your arms, your neck. Thumb across your cheeks, lips and teeth. 

It's you, grabbing on to yourself because no one is.  That's how empty you are.

Wrap your arms around yourself and feel them touching your cold nose. Press your lips against your fingers and kiss them, play your tongue with them. Struggle with yourself. Try and release yourself from your own hands, then pull yourself back.

Pinch. Scream. Repeat. 
Pinch. Scream. Repeat.

This can't be you. This can't be your skin. 

Because you like this. You like this very much.

Yes my child, sleep inside your own arms. 

The night is yours.


- Anushruti Adhikari (अनुश्रुति अधिकारी )
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